hafizsanesia

another surprise I got during ‘the stressed time’ (further story aboyt this ’stress’ :p after this..), when suddenly, a flock of students from the third and fourth grade showed up with this farewell cake, a big gift (with my puppet attached to the wrapping paper) and a small gift (a handmade totoro keychain..).  so, there we had, a surprise farewell party at the not so big dkv’s front office. one of the student even put the news and pics of the occasion on the dkv’s mailing list.. it seems that I’d became a ‘celebrity’ around this time.. :p

another funny things about all this ‘departure’ thing (as I’d mentioned above about the stressed time), that last wednesday I got a news from the person  in charge to arrange my departure that the visa would be issued on tuesday. this meant that despite many things that I had to rearrange (because I planned to go this sunday), I had a fixed time when to go. and around three o’clock on the same day, suddenly I got a headache that last till midnite..  my auntie whose a pschicologist told me that the headache came from under my conciousness.  that in fact I got stressed about living in korea that I did’nt even thing about before because my mind was focused on how to go there first.  gee, guess I just realize another hidden personality :p

another thing that I want to share is that whenever you feel in a chaos condition, that every step you take seems very hard to reach your goal, even a slightest of attention will give you valuable support and ‘extra’ power.  several days ago, suddenly I got an sms from a cole friend asking wether I’d gone or not and then she asked how the preparation went. it might be just an ordinary sms to some others, but because I knew she’d also very busy chasing her final works’ deadline, so it was a relief moment when I got her sms :-)   

and just yesterday (before the farewell surprise), another longtime friend from highschool also sent me a sms asking about the possibility to meet before my departure, to talk and exchange stories because we’ve apart for more than ten years.

all of these -for myself- are again a solid reminder that I got precious friends worth cherising.. ToT

and thanks God for that..

another hardest part in packing your things, especially when you’ll go far away and for quite long time couldn’t meet people you care so much, is to choose which things to include in your new frontier. so, these are things I (hope) could bring with me to korea. most of them are books and things I received as presents or works from the people I admire so much.

I wish that these mementos are solid reminder to my motherland, my close friends I care so much and would act as everlasting inspiration whenever I get sad or had a homesick..

it’s always nice to receive a surprise (in a good way, of course..) and especially when it comes from your own (ex)students..

on february 14 (exactly on the valentine’s day), my (ex)students from the class of 2001 (many of them graduated in july last year) in which I became their parent teacher (I don’t know what word in english for dosen wali..) came with two puddings.

paula made them with her own hands and they did taste delicious.. the moment really touched me, because I was still waiting for the papers I need for further process in jakarta.  so, it was a special moment when your (ex) students still remembered you and want to show that they cared.  and moment like this always pumped up my spirit again, to never gave up and would fight untill the end.

a really deep heartfelt thanks to paula (like your homemade pudding very much!), citra, yanuar, tedjo, daud, ina & rendra 

actually, this is a belladonna the wedding magazine that was published almost a month ago, but what I want to share here is not about the (always) beautiful design inside it, but more on how a person could change the many systems that work around her.  usually, when we enter new environment (whether it is workplace, society, school or even family) we are faced with choices: whether we follow the established pattern or try to put changes in that established pattern and put new things toward our vision (usually for better achievements and results, of course).

talking about that person, so we have vera, who joined the magazine editorial team last year, slowly but sure, not just turned the magazine appearance as beautiful as it is now, but also established a new system that put the art director in charge not just design and layout but also responsible for the look of the magazine from the beginning. she once told me that after she joined in, she handle things from the start.  from finding the main theme (such as this edition that took the "winter" theme and this month -still unpublished- entitled valentine’s theme), joining the photo session -to give direction for the photographer because she knew what kind of photos were needed to create good design partitur and of course to get the best photos she could get- and not just what other designer usually do: just wait in front of the computer and doing the design according whatever result he/she got from other resources. she also said that she’d like to create design template and system that could be used as guidance for the next art director in charge after her.

I believe vera is succesful for every hard effort she’d done for the magazine.  just last week, I met with ronald, who when he saw the magazine, he told me that he was the one who handled and gave birth the belladonna magazine. he also mentioned that the appearances of the newest edition is a far cry (in the positive response) from what he first started, using freelance designer.

well, another great job well done, ve! no wonder you are still my inspirations :D 

can’t wait to see your last work (vera will be signing off as the magazine’s art director after the february edition)  and hopefully I could see it before my departure next sunday…

sometimes, you don’t realize how many belongings you have until it comes the time to pack all things that you’d got.  the boxes you need to put all of your belongings seems endless, to add another box after box, and still there are many things that still scattered around..  these are pictures I took a week ago, while only a quarter of my belongings (mostly books, cds, dvds and action figures) had been finished being packed. some of the books would go to my parents’ home in jakarta, while some others would go to boss alva’s house who will open a ‘hafiz’s collection library’ in his house during my away status :p 
right now, there are even more boxes stacked around my room that I find several difficulties in moving around my own room..

gee, may be when I come home, I will bring the same big amount of stuffs?

it’s just near the departure time, and I’ve been busy packing all my belongings including my "I don’t know how many are they" collections of books.  but, I think I really love books anyway. everytime I go to the bookstore, and see some titles that interest me, then I found my self hard to resist the temptation to bring those books home..

these were the books I found (and I brought home also) during my packing time. Literally, these also would add my work because I have to include them in my packing work after I finished reading them. but, just what I said previously, may be I addicted to books..

the first one is entitled "extra/ordinary objects", a simple book that collects many unsual but spesific& unique object from all over the world.  each object has its own picture with full description of it: what it is, its’ function and use, where we could find it and additional information such as the history, the creator and such. the book is small although it is not pocket size, and for myself, the book itself is also extra/ordinary.

the second is entitled "why dogs always have wet nose?", another book about many (un)important questions we found scattered around us and this book tried to give reasonable explanations.  just like a trivia question, but with logic sense. and the questions theirselves are also very usual and simple but still hard to answer. kudos to the author, who manage to found answer to many questions we don’t ask regurarly :p

the third I found when we were waiting the movie "memoirs of a geisha" to begin at ciwalk, entitled "the wisdow of crowd".  I first found the title of this book from my friend’s reading list (she said that she craved books for daily contemplation, while I read books because it is the best way in spending valuable time, ha ha..), and decided to buy it. it took a little longer to read, because actually it is a kind of text book with many theories and applied samples in our daily life.  "the wisdom of crowd" tries to explain why the majority of crowd eventually make better decision than an expert or a leader. it also uses many samples from human behavior and daily life to give more understanding regarding the topic. even samples that are closest to us and we eventually becoming that part without even notice why we act like that..

whew..  now, it’s time to pack these books, again.. :p

although it seems out of date (because valentine’s day had been last week), but it just a little story I experience the night before the ‘love’ day. on the february 13, the boss alva asked me to accompany him to look for a collection of board games in one package (such as the game of ludo, chess, snakes and stairs in one package, just like the 3 in 1 and such). we went to the a gift shop in the sulanjana crossing, which known as ‘celebrate’ shop.  usually, the shop is not very crowded, because the nature of the gift shops that sold things we don’t look for daily life.  but that night was very different.  the little shop was jam packed with people, mostly young male. the interesting part about the crowd was that they seemed looking for lovely and romantic things.

I’m not into valentines’ day, so it was a kinda funny to see many males (some even in the macho appearances) looked for cute things in pink. the aura of love was everywhere… the people suddenly became all around romantic guys.. kinda out of place

to be honest, it’s been one of the roughest months in my life, with lots of things (both good and bad) happens all together. most of that is related to my study in korea this march. first, it was a pleasure news because I’d dreamt the chance since my graduation in 1997 and it’s finally comes true.  but, it turned out to be one long and winding road. some of the ‘problems’ I’d been facing are off the record, but it did give me valuable lessons in life: that no matter hard what you’re facing, be optimistic. and it did realize me that I could not live alone, that I need friends who supported me all the way, and the help and support you needed the most sometimes came from the people you least expected. therefore, I really grateful for that and just what one of my best friend said in her page that she felt very lucky to have beautiful friends around to love and be loved, I definitely agree with her. that’s what friends are for.

just don’t loose your faith, always believe that what ever happens to you are the best thing The Almighty God provides you, and sometimes (eventually, most of the time) nobody could understand His plans in your life.

sometimes you feel that you could achieve your dreams and it seems that it’s finally within your reach. you get the chance, the opportunity and support you need.

but, things are just not going THAT way..

so, what would you do?

I remember one chinese proverb that says, "destroy the kitchen chauldron and sink the boat" that means to make one last desperate gamble (and hope everything turns the way you’d expected).  by taking this proverb to real life, a few months ago, I took that rarest chance and worked it hard in hoping that everything that followed would turn out well. judging from my own point of view, there are still risks that things could turn out the opposite, but there are times that you just had to stand up and take the risk -just like that proveb- especially when the outcome is for good things.  in an easy way, I do it not just for my self, I do it in good intention, for my own almamater. 

so, please help me, God..

but, when the ‘deadline’ is approaching, it seems that the situation is becoming more complex and difficult than I thought. I try my best to solve the problems as far as I could do. however, there are things that beyond your capabilities and control. that the one that make you stuck comes from outside. that I might be facing the fact that I might loose that ‘within my reach’ chance..

one side of myself seems do not want to accept that fact (although all things are still possible: wether finally I go or not. the decision would be decided -I do hope so- tomorrow..) and another side does the opposite..

and I have to admit that this situation drains my energy.. (been in sleepless situation for a week, though..)

however, in any circumstances -bad or good-, there are always lessons we could learn. and in this situation I face, I guess I have to put things back in God’s hand. to believe that anything that will followed regarding my present situations is the best thing He choose for me.  amen..

and please, don’t make me loose faith in You.

the good side is that it always makes your heart warmer whenever you realizes that there are people behind you, to give you support, even in the slightest attention. like a question ‘how you’re doing’ and ‘hope everythings is fine, so you could go on time’ messages I received through sms or YM (just today, he he), up to a memento that ask me not to give up, to fight till the end, from the ‘fantastic trio’

thank you to all of you :-)  it’d lighten my heart..

hope everything would turn out just fine in the next few days..

just an ordinary junk food which I ate last monday nite with sarey, beny and sponbob @ mcd simpang :p   we all just went there because it was time for dinner and suddenly sarey said that she just happen wanted the prosperity burger from mcd (prosperity is one of the five chinese beliefs in achieveing wonderful life - see the book by vivien sung: the five-fold happiness) and just like gasoline, beny also mentioned that he wanted a big mac.  so, there we went: to the i’m loving it place :p